Chapter 2

In the last chapter, we explored the idea of Prophetic Imagination and the importance of learning to see the world with hopeful eyes so that we might live more fully in alignment with God’s dream of goodness, peace, and wholeness between each of us and God, each of us and ourselves, each of us and all others, and each of us and the earth.

In this chapter, we move on to two deeply human and universal dynamics that shape much of our inner and outer lives. The first is what I’m calling ’Love Or Fear’, which we’ll explore here. The second is the powerful connection between anxiety and scapegoating, which we will examine in the next chapter. These instincts are ancient and deeply rooted within us. They are primitive, archaic, lizard-brain. They influence the ways we think, react, relate, and organize ourselves, both individually and collectively. Most of the suffering, division, violence, and disconnection that we experience – in our personal lives and in the greater world – can be traced back to these two underlying forces. This matters for the church, as well, because the same suffering, division, disconnection, and violence (physical, emotional, spiritual, psychological, exploitive, economic, cultural, and all the rest) exists there, too, and often in greater amounts.

I placed these chapters toward the beginning of the series because understanding these two foundational principles will play an important role in the deeper theological conversations yet to come.

I’m so glad that you are here. Let’s get started ...

LOVE AND FEAR
Many experts tell us that the two primary emotions of ‘love’ and ‘fear’ undergird and energize all of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. All of them! We are giving power to either love or fear in everything. They are the root of how we think, feel, perceive, and act in the world. If this is true – and I believe it is - then understanding the power of love and fear becomes essential to understanding ourselves and recognizing the patterns, systems, and stories that either move us towards wholeness or keep us trapped in division, anxiety, and disconnection.

Love is the posture of openness that moves us towards connection, healing and wholeness. Love-based thinking and acting emerge from a place of light and life and possibility. At its core, love trusts in abundance rather than scarcity and, for our discussion, the belief that there is enough grace, enough goodness, enough belonging for all. The qualities that flow from love include empathy, optimism, happiness, compassion, contentment, acceptance, openness, courage, hope, celebration, creativity, open-mindedness, playfulness, and what the Christian scriptures name as the Fruit of the Spirit: joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self-control. Love enables us to release grudges, extend grace, and embrace both ourselves and others without condemnation or shame. In love, we experience a deeper sense of connection to God, to ourselves, to one another, and to the earth. As Dr. David G. Benner writes in his book, Surrender to Love, ‘Love is the fulfillment of everything that makes us human.’ Love does not erase truth or suffering, but it allows us to face them without losing our humanity.

Fear, on the other hand, is rooted in the perception of scarcity – the fear that something essential may be lost, threatened, or withheld. Psychologists often describe this through the concept of ‘loss aversion’, the tendency for human beings to experience the fear of loss more powerfully than the hope of equivalent gain. Fear emerges from our deep need for safety, love, and belonging, coupled with the suspicion - often unconscious – that we may not truly have them. Fear narrows our vision, fixates on worst-cased scenarios, and can manifest as anxiety, defensiveness, suspicion, judgment, or the need to control. Fear can isolate us from others, harden us against compassion, and keep us trapped in cycles of shame or hostility. Destructive emotions such as anger, resentment, bitterness, prejudice, greed, and hatred are usually fear in disguise. Fear hinders personal growth and happiness. Fear is bondage and self-harm. It wounds, abuses, dehumanizes, steals joy, keeps us ignorant, and is limiting in every way. Where love is an action, fear is a reaction.

Love and fear are experienced in the body, as well. Fear activates the brain’s amygdala – the part of the nervous system responsible for detecting danger and preparing us for survival. When fear takes hold, the body often shifts into a heightened state of stress and vigilance. Heart rate increases, muscles tighten, breathing becomes shallow, and the body struggles to rest or settle. While this response can be helpful in moments of genuine danger, chronic fear and anxiety can wear heavily on both the mind and body, contributing to exhaustion, depression, emotional distress, and other physical and mental stress-related disorders.

Love, by contrast, tends to calm and regulate the nervous system. Experiences of love, safety, trust, and belonging stimulate the brain’s reward and attachment systems, releasing neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and dopamine, which foster feelings of peace, connection, security, and well-being. In many many ways, the body itself reflects the difference between love and fear. Fear constricts, guards, and braces for threat; love softens, opens, and allows us to rest in connection.

FEAR IN THE HUMAN STORY
Fear is deeply woven into the human story. Long before modern religion, politics, and culture wars, fear helped human beings survive in a dangerous and uncertain world. The brain’s amygdala – that small structure responsible for detecting threats – developed to help us respond quickly to danger through fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. In moments of genuine peril, these instincts are profoundly valuable. A heightened awareness of threat and the ability to react swiftly often meant the difference between life and death. Even now, these ancient survival mechanisms remain embedded within our nervous sytems, quietly shaping the way we perceive the world around us.

While these instincts once helped protect us from predators and physical danger, they can also be manipulated in ways that divide and diminish us. Human beings are psychologically drawn to fear-based experiences because surviving fear can activate the brain’s reward systems, releasing chemicals associated with relief, excitement, and even pleasure. That helps explain our fascination with scary movies, rollercoasters, and other adrenaline-fueled experiences. In the modern world, however, this same dynamic is often exploited on a much larger scale. Media outlets, social media & advertisers (many of us are unwittingly owned and monetized by fear-driven algorithms), political movements - and historically, religious institutions - all understand that fear captures attention and keeps people engaged and under control. Fear is incredibly powerful currency.

Shared fear also has a way of bonding people together. In early human communities, rallying together against a common threat strengthened group survival. Today, though, while fear-bonding ‘threats’ may no longer include saber-toothed tigers, they do still include other human beings. Entire identities and communities can become organized around fear-based narratives of liberals or conservatives or immigrants or other religions or other races or other cultures or LGBTQ+ folks or those who fear guns or those who fear losing them, or whatever. Once fear takes hold, our most primitive instincts are easily drawn into tribal patterns of ‘us verses them’. These reactions can feel deeply existential because, at the nervous-system level, belonging and survival and scarcity are still profoundly linked. Fear narrows our vision until other people cease to be neighbors, fellow image-bearers, or human beings to love, and instead become threats to resist, control, or eliminate.

Change intensifies these fears even further. Whether personal, cultural, or spiritual, change is often interpreted by the nervous system as loss. Because fear is always rooted in scarcity, change can create the unconscious feeling that something important is being taken from us – security, identity, familiarity, certainty, power, or control (read that again, please). This is one reason human beings so often struggle with social and cultural transformation (so-called ‘culture wars’). Every generation tends to fear what feels unfamiliar in the generation rising behind it. We cling to what feels known because the unknown awakens anxiety within us. Yet growth, healing, and transformation always require movement beyond fear. The challenge of spiritual and all other maturity, it seems, is not the elimination of fear altogether, but in learning how to recognize it, understand it, and refuse to allow it to govern the way that we relate to God’s dream of goodness, peace, and wholeness between each of us and God, each of us and our own selves, each of us and all others, and each of us and the earth.

Not all fear is unhealthy or harmful, of course, as some forms of fear are appropriate and even necessary, helping protect us from genuine danger and guiding us toward wisdom and caution. The goal is not to eliminate fear altogether, but to better understand when fear is serving life and when it is limiting our ability to love, grow, and connect.

A TWO MINUTE ‘LOVE OR FEAR’ REFLECTION
Honest self-reflection can help us recognize the presence of fear and the ways that it shapes our relationship with God, self, all others, and the earth. Here is a simple two-minute self-check exercise to help discern whether a particular thought, feeling, or action is rooted in love or in fear. The goal is not self-judgment, but awareness: to gently notice what is happening within you, identify the underlying source (love or fear), and then intentionally choose how you want to respond.

For this exercise, first find a quiet place, then ask God (or, for my fellow travelers, your Higher Power) for understanding, and then breathe deeply and still yourself. Box breathing may be helpful here. To do this, breathe in for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and then hold the exhale for four seconds. The length of time and number of repetitions can be whatever you need to achieve a relaxed state.

Next, in this stillness, meditate on the thought, feeling, or action in question, and when you’re ready, being as honest, open, and specific as possible, answer these questions for yourself:

Again, remember that not all ‘fear’ is bad, and not all loving feelings are wise. Fear can be intelligent, warning us of danger, protecting boundaries, and signaling exhaustion and trauma. And love without boundaries can become self-abandonment, denial, enabling, and fantasy. The goal is not to never feel fear, but to relate to fear without it running our lives. We can be afraid and still choose a loving action.

LOVE AS A CHOICE
Love is ultimately a choice – one that often requires us to gently reframe what we are feeling in light of what is true. This is not always easy. Life is rarely simple, and because our inner worlds can be deeply complicated – shaped by biology, trauma, relationships, culture, and experience – seeking help from trusted friends, mental health professionals, spiritual guides, or from groups such as ACA or AA, can be profoundly healthy and incredibly courageous movements toward healing, clarity, and wholeness. Often love begins with such steps.

Understanding the dynamics of love and fear helps bring clarity to what is happening within and around us, allowing us to respond more consciously and compassionately to life. And as we practice love – imperfectly, slowly, and intentionally – love changes us. Over time, it expands our capacity for connection, healing, joy, and hope. The effects ripple outward into our relationships, our communities, and the world itself, contributing to the healing work of God’s dream for humanity: a more whole, compassionate, and beloved world.

BLESSING
And so, in our pursuit of beauty and the fulfillment of God’s dream of peace, goodness, and wholeness between each of us and God, each of us and ourselves, each of us and all others, and each of us and the earth, may we have the courage to choose love again and again. May we gently tend to the fears within us by whatever healing means we have available, and in doing so become people of compassion, reconciliation, and peace for our hurting world.

Amen.

Join us next for ‘Chapter 3: The Lizard-Brain.’ Subscribe for free so that you don’t miss it!